Our Journey to a family part 3

When we left off last time it was in October 2008 and Hubs and I had just moved in with my family to try to get some of my medical bills paid off. One of my best friends G had been having some health issues so I was watching her 2 boys T & C for a couple of weeks while she was recouping so it was keeping me busy but I was loving every minute of it. Some background on our relationship since she will be a big part of our journey. I have known G since she was in 8th grade and I was in 7th grade. Her Sister L and I have been best friends since 7th grade. L likes to travel and explore the world and doesn’t stay in one sport very long ever since we graduated we are still really close but we only get to see each other once every year or so. G went with L for a little bit but moved back to the Pacific Northwest when she found out she was pregnant with T. L came up to try to be here for the birth of T but he was stubborn and decided he didn’t want to come out on time, or even after the extended time she stayed for. But as L was on her way to the airport she got the call from G that she was heading to the hospital. So unfortunately L wouldn’t get to be there or meet T for another week when she was going to try to come back again. At this time G and I weren’t really close yet so I didn’t get to meet T until he was a week old as well. Then when T was 2 months old G was going back to work and needed someone she could trust to watch T so L said to call me since our schedules were opposite I was off in time to watch him while she would go to work. Little did I know that at this point G and I would become Best Friends as well now. I loved it because even though L was away I felt closer to her being such good friends with her sister because as mush as they are different they have similarities as well. It turned out great for L as well because I was able to take pictures and videos of T and share them with her so she would get to feel like she got to watch him grow.  When G was about 8 months pregnant with C Both G and T moved in with Hubs and I. IT was so nice having them living with us and kind of took my mind off not having any kids since I had 2 living in my house that were under 2.I serious loves these 2 boys like they are my own, and I would do anything for them.  They lived with us until April 2008 which is when I started working in the day care T & C were going to, and where I got my first glimpse of the foster care world. June 2008 is when Hubs and I attended the Pride classes to get certified for Foster care and by the end of summer the Hospital and physician bills were done coming in and didn’t like that we couldn’t pay them off right away so that’s when we put it on hold to move in with my family in October. By that point we had already gotten a nursery ready and had pretty much everything we would need the only thing we had left to do was our home inspection but we decided to wait to pay off my medical bills. Then in January 2009 G though she was having some health issues again so I agreed to bring the boys home with me from the day care and watch them while she went to the doctors. I got a call from her on my way home, she found out she was pregnant and she knew she couldn’t handle another baby. The boys were great but a handful for a single mom who just got out of a very bad relationship recently and was freshly in a new one. She said she didn’t have much time but had to decide very soon on if she was going to continue the pregnancy or have an abortion. I said you know how I feel about abortions so I’m not going to say anything because this is your decision  and I will support you however I can then offered to keep the kids for the night since she had a lot to think and talk about. She said thank you and agreed that I should keep the boys and I would see her tomorrow. Early the next day she sent me a message saying she needed to talk to me and was wondering if I could drop the boys off to her after work so we could talk then…..

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Our Journey to a family part 2…

You can read part 1 here

With Adoption costs, requirements and restrictions (we were still young around 23 and 24 at the time) we decided it was going to take a long time and I didn’t want to wait. I was working at a daycare at the time, which truly if I have to work is a dream job because I love being around kids just it doesn’t pay much in money but how you can change the kids lives just in the time they are with you each day is amazing! Working at this job was my first experience with anything to do with the Foster care system, or kids in foster care. There were so many kids in our center that were in the system and they were such wonderful amazing kids and needed so much love and attention and I loved being able to give that to them. I talked to hubs about it he was more concerned about me getting attached and having to give them back to their parents but I wasn’t going into it for just an option to be able to adopt, I loved seeing the impact I was making on these kids in the daycare who just needed someone to care and love them. There were such a wide variety in Foster parents that I saw while there. Some you could tell didn’t seem to care and only did it so they could say I help out or so they could collect the extra money from it. There were some that only accepted older kids which in some cases that’s wonderful but in a main one I saw it was sad cause the Lady never even walked the kids all the way into the building and to class she would get to the lobby sign them in and send them in the door and not say anything or even make sure they got to their teacher. Then there were some who would take siblings, and you knew they loved them but ultimately wanted them to be back with their parents and were very supportive of that process. There were also some that would only take kids that the state thought were going to be adopted out that way they could adopt them and not have to give them back. Sadly it didn’t always work out that way and you could see them get hurt when threatened with loosing the kids they thought they were going to have forever. Then the one case that really made me want to get involved. It was a Pastor and his wife, they had an older son of their own (just graduated from high school), they had a 3 and 4 year old that they had adopted from the system, that had been through a lot already in their short lives, and they also had 2 1.5 year olds that they were fostering. Sadly you could tell the mom played favorites, the 4 year old was dressed nicely and the 3 year old who was still bouncing back from the life she previously had where she was malnourished and abused wasn’t dressed as nicely and when trying to be potty trained was put into onesies. Then the 2 1.5 year olds, both absolutely adorable but completely different from one another, one was blond and blue eyed fair skin and she knew what she wanted (we will call her C) and if she couldn’t get it sometimes she would bite because that’s how she knew she could get attention in such a big family with so many so little ones. C was always put in stained clothes and her hair wasn’t done she wasn’t treated the same as the other 1.5 year old girl (who we will call D). D had olive skin tone and dark brown eyes and hair was always dressed cute in name brand designer clothes she was very quiet but she knew she was favored and spoiled and knew how to hide when she was being mean to C so that hopefully no one would see her do it. Things went bad with the Foster parents and they were getting a divorce he was moving to the Caribbean where he felt he was being called to go by the lord. Well Foster mom no longer wanted C around and the state was in the process of putting D back with her biological family well someone else I worked with was planning on going to foster care classes so she could get C out of the situation she was in. So after talking to hubs we decided to go too. We did all the classes and the only thing we were going to have to do was the home inspection to become certified. I had gotten a nursery set up and gone to garage sales to get cheap clothing for all genders, and from birth to age 2, I already had car seats and everything. Unfortunately I got sick and was in the Hospital for 2 weeks and now had 45k in medical bills and even with assistance with what we made because we weren’t parents and I wasn’t pregnant was still only dropped to 20k. We no longer could afford to live on our own so we decided to wait on the foster care thing and move back in with my family for a little while so we could get some bills paid off.

Our Journey to a family part 1…

Early on in our relationship we were young and dumb and not thinking clearly, eventually I was 1 week late so I took a test, then I was 2 weeks late and feeling exhausted and not so hot and was freaking out, then 3 weeks I was bloated, so I called my doctor and made an appointment but it wasn’t for another 3-4 weeks. a few days later I started bleeding. When I went to my doctor appointment I was told I had PCOS. Those words changed everything, I could feel all my hopes and dreams for a big family crashing down around me. We knew we wanted kids and figured if it wasn’t going to be easy for me to get pregnant there was no reason to try to prevent it and instead we would let nature do its thing and hope that we would eventually be successful. Well after 3 years later of not preventing and nothing we decided it was time to step up the game we tried what seemed like every tip and trick: temping, charting EWCM (yea if you know what that means you have really tried to get pregnant), lay down feet up and wait…. Still NOTHING… I couldn’t bring myself to go the In vitro route it was to invasive, no guarantee of a baby in the end and cost as much as adoption. I always wanted 4 or more kids and knew that I wanted to adopt at some point as well (from a very early age probably around 14 or 15) but thought that I would adopt 2 after I had my 4 kids. So even though we were still trying I started looking up different adoption options local and international. There were so many babies and kids that needed families I wanted to bring so many of them into our family but there were so many restrictions and requirements for adoptions and the costs were adding up on all the things we would have to do…..

 

Continue reading:

Part 2

About Us!

Family photo 1

Well first of all I am praying to be able to keep up with this blog since there never seems to be enough time in the day I feel like I am always praying for more time. My name is Barbara, I am 29 years old,  my husband Marc just turned 30. I work full time currently but have always wanted to be able to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately this economy doesn’t make that an easy thing to do. We have 2 Beautiful 3 year old daughters who amaze me more and more every day! No they’re not twins but there will be more on that later. I am still hoping things will start looking up and I will be able to do some homeschooling with my girls but until then they are constantly wanting to learn everything they possibly can. So in the time I do have available I love spending it with them!